DEFINITION
Techie, tek'e, n. 1. A person or persons who perform duties related to the running of technical aspects of theatrical and various other performance-oriented entertainment and who at times feel the need to distract performers by playing pranks during the running of the show thus taking the level of professionalism out of the craft and therefore earning the title "Techie". {Al Fitch} 2. Person skilled in one or more of the following aspects of a show: scenery, properties, lighting, sound, playing pranks, messing up. works insanely long and unsafe hours. has a main food supply of caffeine and sugar, sometimes is lucky enough to be able to eat fast food during a 2-5 minute break...Only happens about once a week. Never makes mistakes that anyone can notice. Lives by the motto: Squeeze to fit, paint to match, just jerry-rig it.
Techie, tek'e, n. 1. A person or persons who perform duties related to the running of technical aspects of theatrical and various other performance-oriented entertainment and who at times feel the need to distract performers by playing pranks during the running of the show thus taking the level of professionalism out of the craft and therefore earning the title "Techie". {Al Fitch} 2. Person skilled in one or more of the following aspects of a show: scenery, properties, lighting, sound, playing pranks, messing up. works insanely long and unsafe hours. has a main food supply of caffeine and sugar, sometimes is lucky enough to be able to eat fast food during a 2-5 minute break...Only happens about once a week. Never makes mistakes that anyone can notice. Lives by the motto: Squeeze to fit, paint to match, just jerry-rig it.
Techie Dictionary
Actor/Actress:
1. Un-important nobody who speaks nonsense in front of admirable sets.
2. Mindless, zombile like people who blindly follow the director's commands. Their success is 99% determined by the Techies.
Actor Proofing:
Making your set, props, costumes, etc, able to survive the blatant disrespect and misuse that an actor will give it. An actor will break it if it can be broken, lose it if it can't, trip on it if it is minding it's own business.
Black:
Every techie's favorite color.
Catwalk:
The hottest place on earth, it is to the Techie what the Batcave was to Batman.
Cherry Coke or Dr Pepper:
The Holy Water of Tech Crew.
Director:
Wise, powerful person who is also caring and understanding.
Duct Tape:
1. A type of tape that can fix almost anything.
2. Tape which leaves a gooky, next to impossible to remove residue on XLR cables.
Freshmen:
Ye who sweep the stage. (a.k.a. Frosh).
Gaffer Tape:
The best type of tape ever made. There is nothing it can't do (except fix a broken heart ;) ).
Headset:
1. The true sign of power.
2. A piece of equipment used by techies to communicate about the play during the performance.
3. A piece of equipment used by techies to complain about actors in the play during the performance
Home Depot/ACE Hardware/Monyihans:
Heaven.
Impossible:
ERROR Sorry, not in this vocabulary (please reboot the computer)
Light Booth:
Where the cool kids hang out.
Light Crew:
Without them you just can't see nothing, trust me, I know.
Makita:
In terms of screwdrivers, drills, saws, etc; the best power tool known to tech.
Mistake:
1. Anything the audience can see during the performance that shouldn't be seen.
2. When the director notices something "wrong" with a techie's work
Mountain Dew:
The Holy Water of Tech Crew.
Paint:
1. A substance that is applied to various things to change the color.
2. What actors use for face paint.
Paint Brush:
1. A tool used to apply paint. It comes in many different sizes.
2. What actors use to apply paint to their faces.
Play:
A bunch of cool looking sets that people admire but their admiration is hampered by a group of un-important nobodies talking nonsense in front of them.
Prop or Property:
Something that an actor uses during the play, usually found by a techie.
Set:
The world the techies build for actors to live in during the run of a show.
Stage Crew:
There ain't no show without ‘em.
Stage Managers:
The most advanced techies.
Strike:
Techie's revenge.
Techie:
The under-appreciated, over-worked, behind-the-scenes workers of the play.
Technical Director:
The head techie who has control over all the other techies.
Techtor:
A person who possesses both the skills of an actor and a techie. Few exist.
1. Un-important nobody who speaks nonsense in front of admirable sets.
2. Mindless, zombile like people who blindly follow the director's commands. Their success is 99% determined by the Techies.
Actor Proofing:
Making your set, props, costumes, etc, able to survive the blatant disrespect and misuse that an actor will give it. An actor will break it if it can be broken, lose it if it can't, trip on it if it is minding it's own business.
Black:
Every techie's favorite color.
Catwalk:
The hottest place on earth, it is to the Techie what the Batcave was to Batman.
Cherry Coke or Dr Pepper:
The Holy Water of Tech Crew.
Director:
Wise, powerful person who is also caring and understanding.
Duct Tape:
1. A type of tape that can fix almost anything.
2. Tape which leaves a gooky, next to impossible to remove residue on XLR cables.
Freshmen:
Ye who sweep the stage. (a.k.a. Frosh).
Gaffer Tape:
The best type of tape ever made. There is nothing it can't do (except fix a broken heart ;) ).
Headset:
1. The true sign of power.
2. A piece of equipment used by techies to communicate about the play during the performance.
3. A piece of equipment used by techies to complain about actors in the play during the performance
Home Depot/ACE Hardware/Monyihans:
Heaven.
Impossible:
ERROR Sorry, not in this vocabulary (please reboot the computer)
Light Booth:
Where the cool kids hang out.
Light Crew:
Without them you just can't see nothing, trust me, I know.
Makita:
In terms of screwdrivers, drills, saws, etc; the best power tool known to tech.
Mistake:
1. Anything the audience can see during the performance that shouldn't be seen.
2. When the director notices something "wrong" with a techie's work
Mountain Dew:
The Holy Water of Tech Crew.
Paint:
1. A substance that is applied to various things to change the color.
2. What actors use for face paint.
Paint Brush:
1. A tool used to apply paint. It comes in many different sizes.
2. What actors use to apply paint to their faces.
Play:
A bunch of cool looking sets that people admire but their admiration is hampered by a group of un-important nobodies talking nonsense in front of them.
Prop or Property:
Something that an actor uses during the play, usually found by a techie.
Set:
The world the techies build for actors to live in during the run of a show.
Stage Crew:
There ain't no show without ‘em.
Stage Managers:
The most advanced techies.
Strike:
Techie's revenge.
Techie:
The under-appreciated, over-worked, behind-the-scenes workers of the play.
Technical Director:
The head techie who has control over all the other techies.
Techtor:
A person who possesses both the skills of an actor and a techie. Few exist.
You Know Your a Techie When...
...you have a permanent mark above your ears from the headset.
...you wave at little kids from the spot booth.
...you prefer the light board over your girl/boy friend.
...you walk into your home and your parents ask who you are.
...you memorize gel color for fun.
...you are more concerned about the location of your adjustable crescent wrench than you are about your car keys.
...your parents memorize the stage phone number.
...you really believe that wearing all blacks makes you invisible.
...you dress your snowman in black.
...you use glow tape instead of night lights to find your way around your home at night.
...you can tie a bowline knot without having to tell the bunny story to do it.
...you start calling the Technical Director Dad.
...you wave at little kids from the spot booth.
...you prefer the light board over your girl/boy friend.
...you walk into your home and your parents ask who you are.
...you memorize gel color for fun.
...you are more concerned about the location of your adjustable crescent wrench than you are about your car keys.
...your parents memorize the stage phone number.
...you really believe that wearing all blacks makes you invisible.
...you dress your snowman in black.
...you use glow tape instead of night lights to find your way around your home at night.
...you can tie a bowline knot without having to tell the bunny story to do it.
...you start calling the Technical Director Dad.
Ten Tech Commandments
1 Love thy gaff tape as thou would love thyself.
2 Honour thy SM and thy director.
3 Thou shalt not get caught in light.
4 Thou shalt not talk louder than a whisper.
5 Thou shalt not covet another tech's headset, wrench or blacks.
6 Thou shalt not drop things from fly rail or catwalk.
7 Thou shalt not crave sustenance other than Papa John's, Jimmy John's, and vending machine food.
8 Thou shalt not kill another techie. Actors not inclusive.
9 Thou shalt assist the actor when walking through the wings of darkness.
10 Thous shalt be as God like as possible - fast, quiet, efficient.
1 Love thy gaff tape as thou would love thyself.
2 Honour thy SM and thy director.
3 Thou shalt not get caught in light.
4 Thou shalt not talk louder than a whisper.
5 Thou shalt not covet another tech's headset, wrench or blacks.
6 Thou shalt not drop things from fly rail or catwalk.
7 Thou shalt not crave sustenance other than Papa John's, Jimmy John's, and vending machine food.
8 Thou shalt not kill another techie. Actors not inclusive.
9 Thou shalt assist the actor when walking through the wings of darkness.
10 Thous shalt be as God like as possible - fast, quiet, efficient.
50 Things NOT to SAY
1. Why are the lights not coming on?
2. Does anyone remember where i got this fuse from?
3. Well i have a safety chain and a wingnut left over.Can anyone see a problem here?
4. I have just spilt coke on the lighting desk.
5.What does this "delete scenes" thing mean?
6. You remember that key for the light dimmers that we were going to duplicate,well its too late now.
7. You do know you are taking 26 amps from a 13 amp socket.
8. Is that hum supposed to come from the PA when the lights turn on?Oh dont worry its stopped now.
9. You know that no-colour blue,its green.
10. You know we just spent two days rigging 86 lights,well everytime i turn on the lights it trips the circuit breaker.
11.Don't panic but.....
12.Oh I knew there was something I had forgotton.
During Technical Rehearsal
13. It looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehearsal.
14. Take your time setting back.
15. There's plenty of room for more lanterns over here.
16. We've been ready for hours.
17. The head-sets are working perfectly.
18. The cue lights are working perfectly.
19. I can't hear the band.
20. The band has no complaints.
21. The whole company are standing by whenever you want them.
22. That didn't last long.
To the Actor
23. Don't let's talk about me.
24. I really think my big scene should be cut.
25. This costume is so comfortable.
26. I love my shoes.
27. No problem - I can do that for myself.
28. No problem. I have a fantastic agent.
29. I have no prospects of wrok for the forseeable future.
30. Let me stand down here with my back to the audience.
To the Stage Crew
31. That lantern is not in the way.
32. It may take a moment - I want to be sure the booms haven't been knocked.
33. We'll get in early tomorrow and do it.
34. No, no. I'm sure that's our job.
35. Anything I can do to help?
36. All the tools are carefully locked away.
37. Can we do that scene change again please?
38. It's a marvellous show.
39. I don't need this many on the crew.
40. Thanks, but I don't drink caffeine.
To the Electrics Crew
41. I must mend the kettle in the publicity office.
42. This equipment is more complicated than we need.
43. Of course I can operate sound from here.
44. Be sure to keep that lantern away from the flying pieces.
45. No problem.I'll do that straight away.
46. All the equipment is working perfectly.
47. That had nothing to do with the computer - it was my fault.
48. I have all the equipment I need.
49. Thanks, but I don't drink caffeine.
50. MACBETH.
2. Does anyone remember where i got this fuse from?
3. Well i have a safety chain and a wingnut left over.Can anyone see a problem here?
4. I have just spilt coke on the lighting desk.
5.What does this "delete scenes" thing mean?
6. You remember that key for the light dimmers that we were going to duplicate,well its too late now.
7. You do know you are taking 26 amps from a 13 amp socket.
8. Is that hum supposed to come from the PA when the lights turn on?Oh dont worry its stopped now.
9. You know that no-colour blue,its green.
10. You know we just spent two days rigging 86 lights,well everytime i turn on the lights it trips the circuit breaker.
11.Don't panic but.....
12.Oh I knew there was something I had forgotton.
During Technical Rehearsal
13. It looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehearsal.
14. Take your time setting back.
15. There's plenty of room for more lanterns over here.
16. We've been ready for hours.
17. The head-sets are working perfectly.
18. The cue lights are working perfectly.
19. I can't hear the band.
20. The band has no complaints.
21. The whole company are standing by whenever you want them.
22. That didn't last long.
To the Actor
23. Don't let's talk about me.
24. I really think my big scene should be cut.
25. This costume is so comfortable.
26. I love my shoes.
27. No problem - I can do that for myself.
28. No problem. I have a fantastic agent.
29. I have no prospects of wrok for the forseeable future.
30. Let me stand down here with my back to the audience.
To the Stage Crew
31. That lantern is not in the way.
32. It may take a moment - I want to be sure the booms haven't been knocked.
33. We'll get in early tomorrow and do it.
34. No, no. I'm sure that's our job.
35. Anything I can do to help?
36. All the tools are carefully locked away.
37. Can we do that scene change again please?
38. It's a marvellous show.
39. I don't need this many on the crew.
40. Thanks, but I don't drink caffeine.
To the Electrics Crew
41. I must mend the kettle in the publicity office.
42. This equipment is more complicated than we need.
43. Of course I can operate sound from here.
44. Be sure to keep that lantern away from the flying pieces.
45. No problem.I'll do that straight away.
46. All the equipment is working perfectly.
47. That had nothing to do with the computer - it was my fault.
48. I have all the equipment I need.
49. Thanks, but I don't drink caffeine.
50. MACBETH.